Happy Mothers' Day

 

Missing those days...

I wanna go back to those days of childhood….

I wanna play with the color marbles, play on the swing for the whole day

I wanna paint again.. I wanna play with colors…

I wanna dream like I used to when I was a 10 yr old.. Dream of a room full of chocolates or chewing gums…

I wanna dream of that princess of my own fairy tales

I wanna write little poems with lots of rhyming words

I wanna write short stories with ‘talking-animals’ and a moral at the end

I want those innocent days of mine….  I want them back…. 

I just wonder how things change as we grow up. Dreams change… Things that make you happy, things that piss you off, everything changes….

A mango bite chocolate or a little chewing gum used to make my day. Now I love those big diary milk bars more than the little candies. I think even our desires grow bigger as we grow up. That little mobile we used to buy in fun fairs used to be stuffs of curiosity. Now I keep checking different sites for my dream mobile, confused with HTC, Samsung or iPhone …

I won’t pray God if the power goes while watching TV, I used to do that when I was a kid, because now I know I can watch any of my favorite shows in YouTube. I don’t wait for my favorite song to be played in any music channel, because I can easily download, preserve it my PC and listen whenever I want.

Few things that frustrate me are power cut, slow internet and when there is no reply for my messages from my friends. I wonder how we used to be in contacts with friends staying far away, for years together, with just a call per year. And usually that call used to be for wishing a "Happy Birthday". Now we text each other everyday yet we fight so often. Power cut used to be fun as we used to spend those ‘powerless’ hours on terrace, looking at sky, dreaming that I would study astronomy when I grow up….. Even now I enjoy staring at night sky for hours but now I know, Astronomy is not my cup of tea…..

Change is the rule of nature. I agree life would be really boring without change, I do love the change. But I don’t know why, am recalling those unforgettable memories of childhood, wishing to live them again. May be that’s just because my mind is overloaded with the stress of a “grown-up life”….

Praying Differently

Prayers have always been an integral part of my life.My day begins and ends with a conversation with my God. When i was a child, i used to pray for every little thing. Now when i recall, i feel so stupid of myself. In those days of childhood my prayers were only meant to ask God to do things, sometimes requesting and sometimes demanding....
But with time, i have learnt the importance of prayers. Every prayer may not be answered by God, every request may not be fulfilled but it gives the strength to deal with things or situations in a better way.
As i grew up, i learnt that prayers are not just meant for "asking", so i started thanking God. Now my prayers include more gratitude for God than requests or complaints.
I believe everybody has their own way of praying. People pray God in so many ways, like- Requesting, Demanding, Ordering (?!), Begging.. Sometimes depending on the situations prayer may turn into an imaginary conversation, a furious argument or a fight with God...
I believe God listens to everything. But usually such prayers help us to talk to ourselves, they help us in finding answers to our own questions.
Mom had told me story with a moral that says, we need to be careful or specific while praying. I have an experience of the trouble i got for not being specific while praying ( i know that sounds funny ).
I was in 3rd sem, and on the day of my EC lab exam i was praying God continuously that i should get the easiest experiments and to my surprise i got the easiest experiments.but i didn't get the output at all. i kept trying for 3 hrs, but no outputs. then i felt, i should have prayed for proper outputs rather than the easy experiments. That was really a horrible experience, i don't wanna recall. However my  lab viva saved me, i got good marks.
since then i'll be more careful while praying for labs or exams :)....
A little difference in the way we pray makes miracles. i'v read few quotes about prayers, which have taught me- "Praying Differently". i'v learnt to pray for strength to solve the problems, in stead of asking God to solve the problems. now i pray God to give me what i deserve rather than what i desire. i'v realized that whenever God is too quite and not answering any of the prayers, it means that the problem can be solved by myself. i'v known the joy of praying for others and that wonderful feeling of gratitude when those prayers are fulfilled.....

Why don't even you try praying differently from today on wards? i bet you, it makes lots of miracles.

ಆ ಕೋಣೆ....

ನನ್ನ ಅಜ್ಜನ ಮನೆಯ ಮೆತ್ತಿಯ ಮೇಲೊಂದು ಕೋಣೆಯಿದೆ. ತುಂಬಾ ದೊಡ್ಡದಲ್ಲದ, medium size ಕೋಣೆ. ಅದಕ್ಕಿರೋದು ಒಂದೇ ದೊಡ್ಡ ಕಿಟಕಿ. ಆ ಕಿಟಕಿಯ ಪಕ್ಕ ಕೂತ್ಕೊಂಡ್ರೆ ಕಾಣಿಸೋದು ಅಜ್ಜನ ಮನೆಯ ಅಡಕೆ ತೋಟ....

ನಾನು ಚಿಕ್ಕವಳಿದ್ದಾಗ ಅದು ಮಾವನ ಕೋಣೆಯಾಗಿತ್ತು  .ಅವನು ಇಲ್ಲದ ಸಮಯ ನೋಡಿ , ನಾನು ಮತ್ತು ನನ್ನ ಚಿಕ್ಕಮ್ಮನ ಮಕ್ಕಳು ಅವನ ಕೋಣೆಗೆ ಹೋಗ್ತಾ ಇದ್ದ್ವಿ . ಅಲ್ಲಿ ಬಿದ್ದಿರುವ ರಾಶಿ ರಾಶಿ pen ಗಳು ಮತ್ತು ಅವನ ಪುಸ್ತಕಗಳ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಅದೇನೋ ಒಂಥರಾ ಕುತೂಹಲ. ಮಾವನ ಮದುವೆಯ ನಂತರ ಆ ಕೋಣೆಗೆ ಅಜ್ಜ, ಅಜ್ಜಿ shift  ಆದರು. ಅಜ್ಜಿಗೆ ಕಾಲು ನೋವಾದ್ದರಿಂದ ಆಕೆ ಆ ಕೋಣೆಗೆ ಬರೋದು ದಿನ್ನಕ್ಕೆ ಒಂದು ಸಲ ಮಾತ್ರ . ಹಾಗಾಗಿ ರಜೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಆ ಕೋಣೆ ನಮ್ಮದೇ. ಅಜ್ಜಿಯ trunk ನಲ್ಲಿದ್ದ   ತರಹ ತರಹದ ಸೀರೆಯನ್ನೆಲ್ಲಾ ತೆಗೆದು ನಾವು "ರಾಜಕುಮಾರಿ ಆಟ" ಆಡಿದ್ದು, ಎಲ್ಲಾ ಇನ್ನೂ ಚೆನ್ನಾಗಿ ನೆನಪಿದೆ. ಆ ಮೆತ್ತನೆಯ cotton  ಸೀರೆಗಳ ಜೊತೆ ಆಟ ಆಡುವುದೇ ಒಂಥರಾ ಮಜಾ.

ನಾನು ಓದಲು ನಾಲ್ಕು ವರ್ಷ ಸಾಗರದಲ್ಲಿದ್ದೆ. ಆಗ ವಾರಕ್ಕೊಮ್ಮೆ ಅಜ್ಜನ ಮನೆಗೆ ಹೋಗುತ್ತಿದ್ದೆ . ಆಗ ನಾನು ಹೆಚ್ಚಿನ ಸಮಯ ಕಳೆದಿದ್ದು  ಆ ಕೋಣೆಯಲ್ಲೇ . ಮಾವನ ಮಗು ಶ್ರಿಚರಣನ ಜೊತೆ ಆಟ ಆಡಿದ್ದು , ಅವನ ಪುಟ್ಟ ಕೈ ಹಿಡಿದು, ಅವನನ್ನು ತಬ್ಬಿ ತಾಸುಗಟ್ಟಲೆ ಮಲಗಿದ್ದು, ಅವನ ಮೊದಲ ತೊದಲು ನುಡಿಗಳನ್ನು ಕೇಳಿ ಆನಂದಿಸಿದ್ದು , ಅದನ್ನು ಅಮ್ಮನಿಗೆ ಕೇಳಿಸಲು ಮೊಬೈಲ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ record ಮಾಡಿದ್ದು,.... ಎಲ್ಲಾ ಆ ಕೋಣೆಯಲ್ಲೇ...
ಓದಿದ್ದು , notes  ತೆಗೆದಿದ್ದು , ಗೆಳತಿಗೆ ಪತ್ರ ಬರೆದಿದ್ದು, cousins ಜೊತೆ ಹರಟಿದ್ದು , ಅಜ್ಜಿಯ ಜೊತೆ ಕತೆ ಕೇಳುತ್ತಾ ಮಲಗಿದ್ದು...ಇಷ್ಟವಾದ ಹಾಡನ್ನು  ತಾಸುಗಟ್ಟಲೆ ಗುನುಗಿದ್ದು, ಹಗಲುಗನಸು ಕಂಡಿದ್ದು, ಹಾಗೆ ಒಬ್ಬಳೇ ಮುಗುಳು ನಗೆ ನಕ್ಕಿದ್ದು...
ಹೀಗೆ ಆ ಕೋಣೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ನಾನು ಕಳೆದ ಅವೆಷ್ಟೋ ಸುಂದರ ಕ್ಷಣಗಳು... ಅವೆಲ್ಲಾ ನಿನ್ನೆ, ಮೊನ್ನೆಯೇನೂ ಅನ್ನಿಸುವಷ್ಟು ನೆನಪಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಹಸಿರಾಗಿವೆ...

ಆ ಕೋಣೆಯಲ್ಲಿದ್ದರೆ, ಅದೇನೋ ಒಂಥರಾ secured  feeling  ಇರ್ತಿತ್ತು. ಇಡೀ ಮನೆಯವರೆಲ್ಲಾ ಕೆಳಗೆ ಹರಟುತಿದ್ದರೆ, ನಾನೊಬ್ಬಳೆ ಅವೆಷ್ಟೋ ರಾತ್ರಿ ಅಲ್ಲಿ ಒಬ್ಬಳೇ ಕುಳಿತಿರುತಿದ್ದೆ. ನನ್ನ ಜೊತೆಗೆ ನಾನು ಅವೆಷ್ಟೋ ಸಮಯ ಕಳೆದಿದ್ದೇನೆ. ಅಲ್ಲಿ ಒಂದು eternal solitude  ಸಿಗುತ್ತಿತ್ತು.

T.V ಯಲ್ಲಿ  "My  Autograph "  ಸಿನಿಮಾ ನೋಡಿ, ಮೇಲೆ ಬಂದು ಅತ್ತಾಗ, ಅಜ್ಜನ ಜೊತೆ ಜಗಳ ಮಾಡಿ ಮುನಿಸಿಕೊಂಡಾಗ, ಅಕ್ಕ ಬರೆದ ಪತ್ರವನ್ನು ಒಂದೇ ಉಸಿರಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಓದಿದಾಗ, ಅಪ್ಪ ಅಮ್ಮನ ನೆನಪಾಗಿ ಒಬ್ಬಳೇ ಬಿಕ್ಕಳಿಸಿದಾಗ, ರಾತ್ರಿ ಕೆಟ್ಟ ಕನಸು ಕಂಡು ಬೆಚ್ಚಿದಾಗ.... ನನ್ನ ಜೊತೆಯಲ್ಲಿದ್ದುದು ಅದೇ ಕೋಣೆ, ಅದರ ನಾಲ್ಕು ಗೋಡೆಗಳು ಮತ್ತು ಆ ಕಿಟಕಿ......

ನನ್ನ ಅವೆಷ್ಟೋ guilt, confessions ,ಪಶ್ಚಾತ್ತಾಪ, ಕಣ್ಣೀರು, ಗೊಂದಲ ಹಾಗು ಜ್ಞಾನೋದಯಗಳಿಗೆಲ್ಲಾ ಆ ಕೋಣೆ  ಸಾಕ್ಷಿಯಾಗಿದೆ.... ಅಲ್ಲಿ ಕಳೆದ ಎಷ್ಟೋ ಕ್ಷಣಗಳು  ಮನದಾಳದಲ್ಲಿ ಹಾಗೆ ಮಾಸದೆ ಉಳಿದುಬಿಟ್ಟಿವೆ...
ಎರಡು ವರ್ಷವಾಯಿತು, ಅಜ್ಜನ ಮನೆಗೆ ಹೋಗದೆ.... ಯಾಕೋ ಆ ಕೋಣೆಯ ನೆನಪು ಕಾಡುತ್ತಿದೆ....

Back to Blog

It's been more than two months, i couldn't Blog. I wanted, to but i couldn't. I don't wanna give the excuse that i was too busy, i just couldn't manage the time properly, couldn't spare a little time for Myself....
I couldn't publish a post for "New year"... However i was away from home that time...
The year 2012 has begun with lots and lots of Happy Moments, seems like it's gonna be a wonderful year ahead for me. :)
The first month was awesome, i almost fell in Love with this Life again... :) The best part is that i read a really good book, or the Best book .. "The Secret"... Will write about that book as soon as possible.
For now, i am spending the last few days of my college life. Trying to savor every moment.
Anyway, Hoping to come up with good blog posts in this year too... 

Dear God....

Dear God...
It's been long time i wrote to you.However i'll be talking to you everyday....
But whenever i write you letter, i feel a kind of peace in my heart.

God, i think life is indeed very simple.. it's our mind,beliefs,fears,expectations and perceptions which make it very complicated...

i always wondered when i read the quote, "live the life in present moment.don't live in past or future".

but now i have realized to some extent, what "living the life in present" means.

most of the times when i will be doing an activity, like i am riding to my college, i will be thinking about many things.

i will be thinking about the classes on that day, or about the fight i had with my bro before i left my home or something else... [believe me, sometimes i'll be day dreaming too ;)]. sometimes i will be comparing how the 'riding' resembles to the "journey of life"...[a kind of philosophical thought] 

But one day i just felt the joy of riding.That feel of freedom or independence or.. (as my best friend Neetu says, "feel like a bird").. since that day, i thought of just 'living' that moment of 'riding' and decided not to think of anything else and now i really enjoy riding more than before.

i just thought how about applying this policy to every part of my life??..

when i listen any song, i try to feel the voice of that singer, the beauty of the blend of instrumental music in the background along with the singer's voice....a kind of "music meditation"... it gives a kind of peace, a joy.. something i can't put into words.. but something that makes me feel very happy... something that "Heals"...
i feel like am living this life, completely in "Present".

But it's not that easy, God. for a moment i feel like i'v started living this life in "Present"... yet the past disturbs again.of course there are lots and lots of happy memories. sometimes the thought strikes that i can't get back those happy moments again, that thought..... disturbs a lot, God.
every song that i listen makes me think of someone or some incident or something like that.... sometimes making me smile and sometimes filling my eyes with tears....

even the thought of future, it plays with my mind.. sometimes it makes me day dream and sometimes feel very insecure....
why is that so difficult to just Live this Life in the "Present"....??

I think i should learn "living in the present" along with the past and future too.
using the 'past' to keep the Hope alive and to learn from my own mistakes.
using 'future' to dream... to dream big... that's what keeps me alive....
if this is followed, i feel i can really have a better Present.. :)
[BetterPresent= present+past+future]

Hmmm... it's not that easy... but not impossible too..
I'll keep trying.. i know you will help me. :)

God, just few days back when i was listening the song "Tum Ho...." (Rockstar), one of my most favorite songs, i thought about you...
those lines.. they made me think of you, God... :)

Love you God,
- your daughter...